Or Unhappy Groundhog Day in This Case!

Depressed Groundhog Sees Shadow of Rodent He Once Was

Fresh from the Onion, which stays oniony fresh after all these years.

PUNXSUTAWNEY, PA—According to sources, clinically depressed groundhog and weather prognosticator Punxsutawney Phil awoke from his slumber this early morning, peered directly into his soul, and saw but a mere pathetic shadow of the rodent he once was. “My God, is this who I am now? Is this what I’ve become?” the melancholy animal told reporters, staring hopelessly out onto the pale morning light outside his pen.

Read More: https://www.theonion.com/depressed-groundhog-sees-shadow-of-rodent-he-once-was-1819574495